Sunday, November 20, 2016

Hell & Back

So, today marks fifty one days since the big day of my surgery! And if it be of any consideration at all to the difficulty for which it has been, then let the long quite stretch between this post and it's predecessor bare proof to the sensational struggle!

Rest assured, that prior to my own procedure, many hours of sifting through testimonies from fellow Cushing's patrons, having already undergone the experience of Transsphenoidal Surgery, had been spent. Most of which, were primarily pointed to the positive conclusions attained without much reference to time. There were, of course, some exceptions to this observation, however, I find it very important to emphasize this singular point to any Cushing's patient pending surgical procedure, that recovery is a very difficult and slow process. Not to be discouraging or negative or to add additional stress to the anticipatory cloud already looming, but to be blunt and honest with the truth. Not to suggest that the difficulty supersedes the benefit by any stretch, but to allow for the proper preparation of deliberate patience toward the lengthy road of recuperation.

Regardless of any warnings I had been granted pre-surgery, I continue to experience the agonizing difference between reality and the sinful desire of personal expectation. Though I have utilized the positive energy to fuel my own regimen of physical therapy, I have also endured many exasperating bouts of depression resulting in an emotional discomfort to accompany the physical. Being on this side of the disease illuminates the momentous power of hormonal influence that governs our very lives. I have, as a result, become quite sympathetic to the erratic condition for which pregnancy tends to produce. In fact, several times while harping and complaining about my many residual issues, I have been told that I sound as though I were pregnant. Hot flashes, extreme bizarre cravings, strong emotional (mood) swings, many continual aches & pains throughout the muscles and joints, strong bouts of fatigue, etc...

Though there are many factors for which I am willing to complain, it is important that I make it very clear that I am most grateful and aware that I am making definite progress, albeit very slow, but progress nevertheless! Immediately following the surgery I found myself wheeling into the ER several times within the first two weeks due to "adrenal insufficiency" a condition where the body begins to "crash" due to a lack of hormones, primarily Cortisol, which in turn signals the adrenal glands to release even more specific hormones that direct a vast array of functions necessary for every day life. Each of these episodes prompted my doctors to make various adjustments to the long list of medications in an effort to find the best recipe to tame the elevated drama.

Though the process has been effective incrementally, it has been a long and winding road with most of my days spent feeling nauseous and, for the most part, incapacitated. However, as I sit here recounting the last several weeks in order to write this particular post, I am able to see a definite progress from those first few days, post surgery, til now. And considering that it is just a few days until Thanksgiving, I find myself overflowing with things to be thankful for this year! Topping the list are the many people. family, friends, doctors, clients acquaintances who have been and continue to be so lovingly and graciously supportive in so many ways that I am truly beyond my feeble ability to properly express the totality of my gratitude. For myself and many of these, it has virtually been a surreal journey to Hell and Back! 


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